Anonymous sources have provided this office with a copy of an explosive classified report that holds shocking revelations about clandestine activities in the McLain administration.

In a secret meeting, the young Air Force lieutenant asked a question of his girlfriend Jami Kimble -- an interrogatory so shocking it took several minutes for her to compose herself enough to answer.

The question was, "Will you marry me?"

The report goes on to describe how the couple kept their plans hidden from their parents for almost a month, despite extreme giddiness. This was accomplished largely through repetition of the mantra, "remember, you're not engaged," every time the telephone rang.

After three and a half weeks of this self-imposed quarantine, he flew to Colorado Springs from Bellevue and she drove down from Boulder to drop the bomb on their bemused elders. They chose not to reveal the engagement immediately, but simply to display her ring openly at dinner and see how long it took someone to notice. It was at least ten minutes before his father turned to them, grinned, and said quietly, "Nice ring!" After another five minutes, her mother's face suddenly split with a smile as she said, "What is that on your finger?" The jig was up.

The two have dated for only six years, and the decision to marry has many highly placed sources astonished at the suddenness of the action. Comments have ranged from "Am I supposed to be surprised?" to "Finally!" This office contacted the individual rumored to be the future best man, provoking the reaction, "It's about fucking time!"

The wedding is slated for sometime in the fall of 1998 at an undisclosed location in Colorado Springs. The long delay between the engagement and marriage, a friend of the bride surmised, is to give the couple "some time to get used to each other."

Recent reports suggest that Ms. Kimble, newly graduated with a double degree in chemical engineering and music, will be starting her employment in early June with the Hewlett-Packard company in Corvallis, Oregon. She landed the job in February, just before the fateful question. Mr. McLain is flying out soon afterward to spend the week with her, possibly to find a house.

Clearly, her acceptance of the job offer was merely a ruse to throw anyone who had caught wind of the wedding plans off the scent, since Lt McLain will not be eligible to leave his base in Nebraska for a year and a half. After all, what kind of couple would get jobs halfway across the country from each other with a marriage in the offing? Especially since there are no military bases of any kind in the state of Oregon? What are these two planning?

When this reporter confronted the future groom with these questions, he looked stricken and gulped, "No comment."