WHY ASK WHY ----------- Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is a drawer of clothes a cabinet but a drawer of water a person? A cabinet can belong to a person, and a person can belong to a cabinet, but a cabinet can't be part of a person, and a person can be part of a cabinet. Yet an executive is a person, and the Cabinet is Definitely part of the Executive, who is not part of the Cabinet, although it does belong to him. There are executive orders, but you can't order executives. Can one order if one's orders are not in order. Is that out-of-order? Can one be out of order without being disorderly? That would be neat! (Brian Kunde, bkunde@sulmail.stanford.edu) After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? How can there be self-help *groups*? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Just before people get nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomachs? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs? When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why do they report power outages on TV? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like? If you lick the air, does it get wet? Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together? Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong? Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? How can someone "draw a blank"? Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"? Why is the word "abbreviate" so long? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? What is another word for "thesaurus"? When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away? Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is? Why do 'tug'boats push their barges? Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there? Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting? Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission? Does a fish get cramps after eating? Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"? What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?