LIME IS A GREEN-TASTING ROCK ============================ Take one class of elementary school students, mix it thoroughly with several pounds of scientific facts, then shake it up with a examination and you have the perfect formula for instant "youngsterisms" about science. The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams and classroom discussion; most were from fifth- and sixth-graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the "most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop." Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind. When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. While the Earth seems to be knowingly keep its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating. South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage. Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime. One hundred humidities equal 1 rain. Question: In a free fall, how long would it take to reach the ground from a height of 1,000 feet? Answer: I have never performed this experiment. Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south. A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. Hard mud is called shale. Soft mud is called gooey. There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Find them all means living forever. There is a termendious (no spelling mistake) weight pressing down on the centre of the Earth because of so much population stomping around here these days. Lime is a green tasting rock. Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil. A fossil is a dead bone. Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't why you should. Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. Rain is saved up in cloud banks. In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- These gaseous observations were made by junior high, high schools and collage students around the world. It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. From test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers, here is a dissertation of loopy, unscientific english: When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire. H O is hot water, and CO is cold water 2 2 To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state" Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars Blood flows down one leg and up the other Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u. The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to. A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception. How would you grade these daffy definitions?: Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. Germinate: To become a naturalized German. Liter: A nest of young puppies. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away. Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky. Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives. To close today's lab report, I offer these nuggets of scientific wisdom, each one an unretouched classroom classic: Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops. For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration. For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor. For snakebites: Bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it. For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. To prevent contraception: wear a condominium. For head cold: use and agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat. To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow. -- Fwd: From sparekh@cs.washington.edu Mon Aug 7 10:22:32 1995