CRUEL DAN 
by Evan McLain

Dan was a bastard of unmitigated cruelty.  Not content to merely
pull the wings off a butterfly, he would tie it to four horseflies
and gruesomely execute it in medieval fashion.  Dan liked to pass
out nicotine gum disguised as Trident to teenage girls on the bus.
He had over two hundred words to describe the nuances of dog-kicking.

On hot summer days, Dan liked to drive an ice-cream truck slowly
through the neighborhood, bells tinkling merrily, until hundreds
of children trailed after him salivating like a pack of hungry
wolves.  He'd slowly pull over to the curb and they would crowd
around, jumping up and down to spare their tender bare feet from the
hot asphalt.  "Sorry, kids," he'd say as he bit into a cool, creamy
Dreamsicle, "this is the last one."

One day, Dan heard about the Internet.  Intrigued, he read every 
scrap of information he could find about it.  He read how Canter and
Siegel spammed their way to riches.  He read about cyber-porn.  He
read about the little boy dying of leukemia who would get three
cents for every e-mail message you sent.  Dan realized such a medium
would allow him to deliver cruelty to thousands, no, millions of
people with the motion of a fingertip.  It was a heady thought.  He
stroked the keys of his computer in anticipation.

To execute the massive cruelty he envisioned, Dan knew he would have
to seek professional help.  He studied the works of the Marquis de
Sade.  He studied Stephen King novels.  He studied Doan's text 
_Moderne Dentistrie_, dated 1641.  Lastly, he sought out the man 
rumored to be the cruelest person alive, who lived a hermit's life 
on a remote mountaintop in Asia.

He spent long months with this guru of sadism, enduring razor blades
in his cereal, long days on the "rack", and unceasing belittlement
of his inner child.  Dan endured all these things, and he persisted
in explaining to the isolated old man the nature of the Internet.

"I understand," he said finally to Dan one evening as the sun sank 
below the horizon.  "This is what you must do."  He drew Dan close 
to him and said, "You must spin a long, involved tale.  Make your 
readers become truly interested in the twisted psychology of your 
characters.  Then, at the crucial juncture in the story,